listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
