so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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