if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Success! We fucked roommates!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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