Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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