Sry I called you an 8
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize