looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
