The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize
