Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
