I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
