she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
