well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
