Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
