So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
