Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
