Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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