hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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