her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
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New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
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Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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