Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
