Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
