He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
