Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
