You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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