take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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