you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
