Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
