i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
