I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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