had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
