i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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