I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
