He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
