Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
