wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
