so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
