Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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