is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
