All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it's like iHOP with fire
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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