It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
