Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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