dude i'm inner monologue high
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
