The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
