Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
