I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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