Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
