This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
