and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize