he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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