How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
