The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
