Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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