make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
