when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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