she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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