I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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