Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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