I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
