I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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