so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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