Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
