He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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