I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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